having the Too/Two syndrome is not a good thing when translated how I am going to explain it. I will use myself as an example. Lets start with the nightmares of old, fear, the driving tool of most slotters. How does this play into our every day? This is a question that I ask myself as well. Simple answer, fear. Some fear is good, too much fear is dangerous. We all have fear and to a certain point it keeps us safe and/or engaged in things that are of concern. This can drive research, development, and detailed questioning. However, too much fear causes extreme reactions without detailed analysis.
Now, how do I play into all of this? Well, I am glad that you ask. Let's start with other people's fears, fear of people of color, fear of being obsolete, fear of losing their way of life, fear of failing. Segway, fear of failing, the fear of failing perpetuate itself. The attitude, why try, why try when I am just going to fail anyway, and why trust, when I am just going to be hurt in the end? We all have unlimited potential. So, what limits us? Well, I am glad that you ask. In me the constant battle of why is always being raged. Being a person of color and a man I must consider things that most people don't always have to consider. I must also realize that my road is going to be harder and longer than most other people. So, if all of this is true then why try. If I also factor other people that I am competing against how can I compete against people who are more than I am in every way in my own thinking? If I also factor in people that will come against me for whatever reason my chance of success is even more limited, so, that question remains, why try? Then let's add into this already ongoing battle within me the perception of myself to myself. Example, I am not good enough, I am not smart enough, I am not cool enough or equally as bad, I am too old, I am too slow, and I am not confident enough.
If all of this is going on within me how can I express my devotion to my taskings outwardly? How can I win such a fierce battle that is within to enact action outwardly toward my goal of being an actor, a Pastor and so on. How can I explain all of this to someone while maintaining my own resolve? The answer is simple that enacting that/this answer is not easy because it include to factors that is not easy by themselves and now mus be done with each other. What are these things? Well, they are actually three, so, it now gets even more difficult and they are commitment to your goals and working towards it even when that glory and the extent of the speech of making such a decree has long since faded from the saying of such goals. The next is determination, being determined even after tasting the defeat of one's earnest actions toward said goals. This pain and lost can and has stopped the mightiest of us and it is even recorded in history. The last thing is discipline, doing this for a short period of time is not easy but not impossible the problem comes into play when it last longer than you think that it should and/or it last for years even knowing that it is going to last this long is still taxing and day after day the morality of it all seems to fade as the days and months roles by.
The Real, is what is tangible and realistically possible. Depending on how you look at it, it can be a good thing and also a bad thing. Example, you expect to get a job and advancement in that job and to do well at the job even amidst the trials and tribulations on that job. That is a good thing, it keeps you grounded and focused on doing your job and thriving to do better and be better on the job. However, here is how it is bad, in order to tell this to you I must go back in time. I will start with something that directly affect me even though I was not even born at the time that all of this took place. I am talking about slavery and the civil rights/women's rights movement. Before the changing of laws and people's hearts this whole thing, ah, it was acceptable to have slaves and servants these people was not even considered fully human, by law and by teachings. It was okay to do whatever to them and it was backed up by law accepted by the people. It took a very long time to realized that this attitude and ideology was and is not good even though it was real for those people at the time.
The Dream, being able to see more and a better way of things than they are. This can be good and it can be bad. How can this be bad?! Well, some people made their living on such things as they were and to change them will change their standard of living so, why should they suffer for something that they made a living off of for many years and unable to do a successful transition into this "NEW" era? In change, people will suffer and some will even die and sometimes the change is not even good and the "I told you so" goes out from every mouth that opposed it from the beginning. Some will even set out to prove that the change is good and other that the change is bad. In the end this all started with a dream. Example, horses vs cars, this transition was slower than many care to admit because of the way of life at the time. Now we don't even consider how important it was to have a horse or two in a household. When back in the day it was sorely needed and even yearned for. Horse farms/horse shoe repair shops and stables was as normal as dealerships and mechanic shops.
Now you can't even find a horse much less a stable and so on, unless you go to a circus and/or history museum and such. And to consider that all of this started with a dream of having a horseless carriage for faster movement and better transportation and of course money is always involved but it was for the good of the people. Now, at the time the considerations for the atmosphere was not even considered and fuel was leaded and dangerous to people and the environment. So, after hearing this how can a dream be good?! Okay, that is a lot but because of these dreams of a better life and the detailed questions surrounding such dreams it was able to be manifested. Example the right brothers and flying now it is a normal thing to fly from one point to another and get there within hours and/or days when these trips were by sea only and would take months and years. This was the norm of the time and these cruise ships (sails only) were the only means of getting to certain areas. Even improvements on products starts with a dream going to sails to motor in ships took someone who saw the possibility of something that was not there and/or there in that form at the time.
So, I encourage you to dare to dream and then act on that dream. I gained a lot of weight and I was told that I would never lose the weight and to just accept the fact that I would always be that way. However, I dared to dream. I saw myself in better shape and healthier. I decided to act on this dream by setting objectives to my goals and I broke it down to things that I know that I could do and then started challenging myself to improve and a year later I was almost 100lbs lighter. It became my normal and the same people who said that I could not do it was congratulating me on my achievement or was silent. At that time I just thought about what if I had listened to them?! What if I had just giving up? I would have never lost any weight and I would have still been sad and upset because I had lost all hope. I had no medical issues to overcome to achieve this goal so what was holding me back?! I was told that I was lazy but that was not it, was it? In that sense maybe I was but what I think about it the only thing that was holding me back was my own mind. Yes, I had people saying stuff but I had convience myself that they was right. I was allowing my friends to talk me out of being the best that I could be and/or keeping me from trying to be better. And I call these people "friends?!"
Be careful who is around you and why they are there. I lost friends when I lost weight because I choose to go to the gym instead of the buffet. Not that I didn't go but I didn't go every day as I used to. I was no longer acceptable in those circles and yes it hurt. It almost caused me to renege on my goal of losing weight and living healthier. I have not even spoken to some of my so called close friend of that time because I changed my life style. I really did think that they would have been supportive and be happy for me. So, maybe I was selfish in that way? Nevertheless, I moved on and kept to my routine of my workout and focus on eating healthier.
Encouragement, stay focused on your goals you are going to lose some friends and it will hurt but you knew that when you told them of your potential actions. You may even lose all of your friends in that circle, you need to decide what is more important to you, achieving your goals of finishing college, losing weight, starting a family, starting your own business or your friends who should support you in your endeavours of doing good for yourself and your family? Once you make that decision you will either set yourself up for success or failure depending on your answer to yourself. Stay strong, you have made your decision to achieve your goal now you must stick to you objective of achieving that goal. You can do and don't talk yourself out of it and don't allow people to talk you out of it either. Yes, it is going to be struggles and trials and problems but that does not mean that you can't do it. It just means that once you have achieved it you be able to appreciate it even that much more.
For me, God is my light and my salvation whom shall I fear?! God is the strength of my live and my everything, who shall I be afraid? I came this far because of Him (God) in my life and apart of my life. So, no matter what I do God is always going to be apart of it. I am not going to say that I never given up on a goal or two or more because of friends and some family and so on. But I am going to say that I was able to achieve several goals because of God, family, and real friends who did not blindly support me but give me realistic and understandable points of views. At the end of it all it is still my decision, and they are still my friends. Some even showed my ways of achieving my goals and I think God for them every day.
I am going to close with: Being successful is a conscious decision that you have to make for yourself and in some cases you and your family and so on. I know that you can do it but the real question is do you know that you can do it? May the peace of God and the mercy and grace of God be with you always especially in your hard times.